Goodbye, 2010.

this year gave me the best and worst memories and led me to the best & worst people. all i have to say is, thank you. if none of it would've happened, i wouldn't be who i am right this second. i wouldn't take back anything that happened this year. one person who had a VERY big impact on me would be Christopher Brent Pleasants. before he even knew who i was, i had the biggest crush on him cus he was the cutest thing ever. the day he i.m.'d me i was like whoaa. every time he saw me at school he'd elbow me & i'd smile and keep walking. we've had our ups and DEFINITELY our downs, but he brought me out of my shell. before him i hadn't had a boyfriend in over a year so i was nervous & didn't know what to expect. our first date, we went to the movies and saw Date Night then after we layed in a culdesac & looked at the stars & talked. best first date of my life. i can remember most everything that ever happened, good or bad, i never stopped loving him. i had never planned on falling inlove with him.. but i did. but after a while things went downhill, and we never stopped arguing. it wasn't all him it was the both of us. i'm not gonna talk shit because i wouldn't want him to. and i have no reason to.. we did things that you'd only hear in a fairytale story and i'll never forget those moments. i'm not gonna sit here and feel sorry for him or myself because that's not gonna do anything for either of us. he is one of the best things that has happened to me but it wasn't meant to be i suppose you could say. things will get better, just gotta pray & give it time.

i don't know anymore.

i hate being by myself anymore.. Brent & I broke up.. and when i'm alone i'm like all depressed so i try talking to my friends but it doesn't always help because i'm still alone.. so usually i try to keep myself occupied. i know i love him to death but out relationship isn't good at all.. and when it is.. it's only for a few hours then it's something new to fight about.. it's gonna be hard for sure but everything will be okay. i just think i should've got to know him before we dated & same for him. i don't think we're very compatible. we argue all the time and he gets jealous & i get bitchy. i just feel like he treats me like a little kid, like he's my dad er something. like i feel like he stalks my facebook & twitter just for something to complain about.. cus if he didn't we'd never have anything to talk about. like i wish i didn't have emotions cus then this would be easy.. but it's not. AT ALL. there's just so much i know that he doesn't know i hold onto or even know about.. its hard to stay around when everything goes downhill. i just can't take the emotional stress. it's taking a toll on my attitude & my grades. and our relationship has almost cost me two VERY important relationships with two girls i love to death. that's not cool. so yeah.. i'm not sure what i'm gonna do yet. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm sure he could tell you a million things i do wrong.. but its the both of us and there's no trying to fix it anymore.. ugh.

jkdhf;askjdf

FUCK. i'm so damn heated right now.. like i don't even know what to do with myself. i woke up tired but now i'm tired and PISSED. i punched the wall twice now and my fist hurts. ughh.
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I DO NOT DESERVE THIS, WHATSOEVER. i just need time & space.. NOT lies & bullshit. i need to go back to sleep. ugh.

vent sesh.

ughhhh, fuck me sideways. i have the most inconsiderate boyfriend in the world. DOUBLE STANDARDS DON'T FUCKING FLY WITH ME, BUD! guhhhh. you can like girls shit, comment back & forth and tell people to text you, and all that other jank but throw a damn hissy fit when i do it? i don't think so.

anywho, these past couple days have been great with my bestfrienddd :DD i love her & all my other friends :)<33333

December 25, 2010.

Christmas was amazing (: i love my family SO SO much & i have the bestest mom EVER! :) brent liked his presents i got him & i liked his :) best. Christmas. ever? yes! definitely. God is amazing!! i ordered my bruno mars tshirts not too long ago. ahh, i'm so anxious to get them!! but they don't ship til monday. oh well, least i got em! :):) ahhhh.

Merry CHRISTmas.

about 20 minutes until CHRISTmas. you know, it makes me so mad when people say Xmas or happy holidays. NO. keep Jesus in CHRISTmas. he's the reason we even have it :) he was born, it's his BIRTHDAYYY (: <33>

One Man Drinking Games- Mayday Parade.

& you said it would be funny
To keep me hanging in suspense
Then I'd run over to your house
& I'd scale the chain link fence
That borders your backyard
& then I'd climb through your window
& I'd whisper that I love you
As you fall out of your clothes

& we'd lay there in the darkness
Like the dream of you I had
Where we captured all the fireflies
& we knew what time we had
Could be counted on your fingertips
That almost made you cry
You let me hold you tightly
As we said all our goodbyes and

May I say I love you more?
May I say I love you more?

& it must have been an hour
That I clutched you in my arms
& I must have said the right things
Because you instantly felt warm
& you heard my heart stop beating
& you wanted not to cry
As your sympathetic whispers
They told a tale of bad goodbyes

& you swore you saw me laughing
& I swore I saw you smile
& this time we spent together
Is meant to last us quite a while
As I take this piece of you with me
I'll carry to my grave
Knowing that for someone
You're an angel sent to save

Keep breathing my angel
If you go down I go with you
Keep breathing just keep breathing
(May I say I loved you more?)
Keep breathing my angel
If you go down I go with you
Keep breathing just keep breathing
(May I say I loved you more?)

Let's drink to memories we shared
Down one to all the hopes & cares
Here's two for being unaware
That you're gone
Because before too long
You'll be a memory

Let's drink to memories we shared
(Before too long you'll be a memory)
Down one to all the hopes & cares
(Because before too long you'll be a memory)
Here's two for being unaware
(I said before too long you'll be a memory)
That you're gone you're gone
(I said before too long you'll be a memory)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk0Zgb45C8E

favorite song by them, by far.

jdfgs;du

arggggg. today was good until you got off work. typical though. i mean i ask you if your was good and all you have to say is ':) yes it was. i'm so sore. whats your tweet about. who'd you see?' something like that. but seriously? have some fucking consideration and ask me how i'm doing. you don't have to know everything. seriously. all i wanna do is punch you in the face anymore. my goshhhh. thats ALL you do. creep my facebook/twitter, ask questions, try to tell me what i can & cannot do, talk shit & complain..

who's this..

who's that..

what's this mean..

why'd you do this..

don't do that..

don't talk to her..

don't talk to him..

she's a bitch..

i don't like her..

why do you stick up for your friends not me..

you gonna be like her now..

well she does this for her boyfriend, why can't you..

do you like him..

he like you..

you think he's cute..

who are you texting..

what're yall talking about..

did you see anyone you know..

did they talk to you..

why did so & so say this..

blah blah blah.

if i had a penny for every question you've asked me, i'd be one rich motherfucker.

all you do is stress me out anymore. oh. my. god.

you always gotta find something to bitch about.. something new everyday.

Bruno Mars.

peter gene hernandez. ♥ i'm inlove with him. hahahah or VERYYYY OBSESSED :) his voice is SO angelic. & he's b e a u t i f u l. ♥ ♥

Long Distance;

There's only so many songs

That I can sing to pass the time
And I'm running out of things to do
To get you off my mind
Ooohh, no

All i have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face every day

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard,you're so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we're stuck where we are
And it's so hard,you're so far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far,this long distance is killing me
It's so hard,it's so hard
Where we are,where we are
You're so far,this long distance is killing me


Now the minutes feel like hours
And the hours feel like days
While I'm away
You know right now I can't be home
But I'm coming home soon,coming home soon

All i have is this picture in a frame

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC9Jxi78G1I&feature=related :)